We're Active!

Got the email today that we have our license and are now on the active foster home list for CPS.  We will now await the infamous call.  For those that are interested, here's how it will play out...

CPS coordinates all foster care placements through their Centralized Placement Unit. They operate 24-7, as does our agency. We might get a call in the middle of the night, weekday or weekend.  Placement knows what openings our agency has, as they are required to list all available homes on on the DFPS "Extranet", a secure website. This database lists all of the foster homes currently accepting children at our agency and all the other foster care agencies. When Placement needs a home, they look at what is listed on the Extranet before contacting the foster care agency. If they need one of our agencies homes, they contact them and they contact us.  We have an hour to respond. If we accept the situation, then our profile gets sent to Placement for them to review along with other families they have chosen.  We are then notified if we are selected and the child's case manager will call to arrange time to bring the child to our home.

Quite the process, right?!  We are anxious, but ready.  Praying tonight for us to know the "right" situation for our family and that God equips us for this new chapter.  A lot of people have quoted a certain verse to me as we have struggled through this process, and I have always enjoyed it from The Message translation...

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  Jeremiah 29:11
The future we hope for isn't easy and shallow, but challenging and meaningful.  It isn't temporary and insignificant, but beyond our perspective and eternal. 

New Year, New Updates

I'm a slacker...I know. Really I would like to say that we have been so busy LIVING life that I just haven't had a chance to document it! Our Christmas and New Years was a whirlwind with this crazy two year old. He is more active than ever (didn't think that would be possible a year ago) and we are on the go even when we're not going anywhere! Last week he spent four days and nights with Mimi & Papa while I helped out with sample sale at my old job/still part time job. It was a nice break for Jordan and I and we got to spend some quality time together and with some of our good friends. He LOVES Mimi & Papa and always has fun at their house, but I think he was ready to see us after that long. I got a big hug instead of tears upon his return and that made me feel good.

We finally had our home study two weeks ago. Lots of questions and boy am I glad it is over. Kind of feels like interrogation sometimes and I feel like our agency knows every detail of our family, marriage, past, and future! We found out we still have to have the fire marshal and health department inspect our home before approval...seriously?! So we are hoping to be really done in a couple of weeks.

Big Rylin update to come. He's growing way too fast!

Here We Go Again

So I've been trying to compose this post for a while now. This is my attempt to write what our hearts have been thinking for months.

We have known that adoption was in our future again in light of our infertility issues and desire to have a big family. (ok...my desire, Jordan's fear...haha!) Seriously, though, we have thought about it a lot in the last year. Because of the lack of specific planning for time with adoption, we have gone back and forth with when to start the process again. Would it go as quickly as Rylin's adoption or would we be waiting? With all the decisions about when to start the process (finding the finances, making room in our home, and telling our families) we had always assumed that we would continue with another domestic adoption similar to Rylin's. We had considered other types of adoption..Foreign Adoption was so expensive. Many countries who's adoption programs were in full swing a few years ago (China, Russia, and Ethiopia) are at a near stand still now. And Foster to Adopt. Well that just wasn't for us. That was complicated. We love our open adoption and that seemed like a tricky thing in a foster situation. Possibly children with lots of baggage. Legal hoops and then there's always "we'll fall in love and then loose them". No, that was for someone else. So when a stirring began in me a year ago, I don't think we were quite prepared for where we'd be now. God has a funny way of changing our perspective.

Almost two years ago, our class at church began to volunteer with a group called CityHouse. An organization who's mission is caring for children who are victims of neglect and abuse. We did things like yard work, organization of supplies, and home repairs as a class. Then, when looking for a place to get more involved, I found myself at an all day training to work with the kids housed at their new foster group home, My Friends House. To say that the reality of what I'd be facing as a volunteer came across daunting, is an understatement. I left wondering if I had lost my mind, but kept reminding myself that I loved kids and I could handle it. After all, I knew that God calls us to take care of "the least of these" and this was going to be my ministry(and concrete way of pushing that little foster care voice out of my head).

After my first night as a "Rock and Roller" (rocking and caring for babies), I cried the whole way home. Not only was the reality of abuse and neglect painful to witness, for the first time, the "foster child" had a face to me. More than just an imagined, hurting, baggage laden kid. I saw the universal need for love and experienced funny little personalities longing for attention and starved for affection. How could anyone reject them? Why would anyone hurt them? I would have taken each one of them home had they let me. The fact that I didn't get to choose their name, didn't take them home from a hospital, or didn't know every detail about their sorted past really didn't matter.

I began doing more research on fostering and adoption from foster care and shared this new interest with Jordan, who was a bit perplexed at first, but willing as always to hear me out. I signed us up for a conference at a near by church last November, where we heard speakers from all sides of the foster care/adoption circle. When we left the parking lot at the end of the day, Jordan conceded that he was on board. Whatever that meant. He got it too.

Since then, we have gone to our agency's orientation and spoken with several foster parents about their experiences. We have done our best to educate ourselves in the areas of our insecurities. We know that it won't be easy and we can't do it without our friends and family, but I can't imagine a more supportive group! I'm learning a lot about trusting God and following his lead even when it seams like the "difficult" route. Just because it's hard doesn't mean we're not called to do it. In fact, I think most things God asks of me are challenging. To my faith, my character, and my own will. I'm lazy, selfish, and a small thinker, but I know he wants me to be proactive, self sacrificing, and a big dreamer in what he can and will do.

So here we are. Last week we started the eight week training at Buckner. We still don't know all the answers or what our future looks like, but we're trying our best to let God fully shape it. After all, our idea of family has changed more than a few times in the last seven years!

Full Family Weekend

So this past Friday Jordan and I got a chance to sit on the opposite side of where we were one year ago. Our agency asked us to come and speak to a group of prospective adoptive parents at the seminar that we attended last July. You may remember me blogging about it here and here. We were pretty excited because we LOVE to tell our story and share how adoption has shaped our family. Rylin sat pretty well, and we had a good time talking to the couples that attended.

Shortly after the seminar, we headed to my parents house and the Casey family reunion (my Mom's Mom) on Saturday. We enjoyed getting to see some of our relatives that we don't often spend time with and my Mom and I even entered the homemade ice cream contest. Though our fancy "Fat Bottom Crunch" only won 3rd place, it was an adventure to make(understatement of the year) and a clear winner in our minds! We left for Greenville Saturday night and to the Woodall reunion (Jordan's Dad's Mom) on Sunday. Everyone enjoyed meeting Rylin and we ate some more good southern food!

Part of letting go of our dream of biological children forced us to think about the loss of a genetic link in our family. This is a hang up for so many people considering adoption, and something we definitely wrestled with. I have to admit that going to these reunions made me wonder if Rylin would ever care about these people in the same way I hold an interest. I don't even know most of them. I haven't kept a close relationship with many. Yet somehow, their existence in my family tree still makes me feel a connection.

A birth family answers questions of history (physical traits, personalities, and geographic local), just as an adopted family adds to it (childhood experiences and values). Both are important in understanding the past, but neigther solely determine who one will become. I think a lot about the family Rylin will grow up surrounded with because of open adoption; his birth family and his adopted family. I now can imagine that each will be special in their own way but both play a significant role in understanding his heritage. I also know that he has twice the number of family reunions in his future!

A Few Requirements

I know I haven't mentioned it on the blog (we've had more important things to post!), but Jordan and I still have monthly requirements for the adoption that have kept us busy. Our adoption isen't finalized with the agency until 6 months after placement. This is when we must go to court in order to make Rylin legally an Everhart. During the 6 month period, our agency requires health/status updates along with photos, and attendence at an adoptive parent support group meeting each month. We also have several home visits that must be done prior to our finalization. This week we spoke with an adoption lawyer to set our court date and it looks like it will be April 30th. Even though we know Rylin is already a part of our family, we are excited to make it official!

We're Home!

I know that everyone has been waiting patiently, so here are a few quick pictures from the hospital of Rylin. I will post more later today. He is already changing so much.

45 minutes old and very alert

We spent some time yesterday at the hospital with T, who I will now just call Tess since most of you probably noticed my delirious "slip up" in the last post. (She told me it was fine to use her name on the blog) We were able to be there for Rylin's discharge to get all the necessary information, and then Tess and her mom took him home to her house around 4pm. We had to wait all afternoon, and our parents showed up around 7:30pm. Finally, around 10pm, the girls from our agency arrived with our paperwork and we made it back over to Tess's house at 11pm. The entrustment ceremony was short, but very special and we were so glad that we were able to tape it so that Rylin can one day watch it (when he knows whats going on!) We made it back home around midnight, and we were all pretty worn out. Jordan changed his first diaper but somehow I was the one who managed to get peed on! You could say I didn't sleep much last night because I kept wanting to check on him in the bassinet. Jordan got up and fed him at 4:30, and then MiMi got her first snuggle time around 7:00. We are so excited to be home and Jordan and I are still in shock that we are officially parents! Rylin is so far a very good baby (not saying a lot for 2 1/2 days old!) He likes to snuggle and is very alert when he is awake. He has a high pitched little squeal that is pretty cute, long feet and fingers, and soft black hair on the back of his head. He is not a little baby, and has a double chin with a dimple right in the middle! Pretty sure he already has us wrapped around his finger! I will post later today with some pictures from last night. Thanks again to all of you who have prayed and encouraged us. We feel so blessed right now that I couldn't even begin to explain our joy!

Notes from the seminar

Day one of our 2 day adoption seminar is complete. We arrived at Buckner around 9am and wrapped up at 5pm. As expected, we were joined by three other prospective adoptive couples and will have three more (who have adopted previously and are back for #2) tomorrow. Overall, our day was very informative and left us with some information we already knew and more to think on.

We began by talking about the losses involved in adoption. I think most people have a very joyous idea of adoption. While the idea of adoption is a happy one, the reality is that it involves a great deal of loss. Loss of the birthmother's right to parent, loss of the adoptive parents' hope for a biological child, and loss of a child's genetic identity...just for starters. Open adoption definitely helps to ease some of the losses, but pain is still a real part of this type of family union. As prospective adoptive couples who have experienced infertility, all of us shared many common losses, and we talked more about how we had learned to face and cope with these hurdles in our relationships. We had a fun exercise similar to the Newlywed game, where they separated the husbands and wives and had us answer some questions about each other. Some serious (What did you feel like was your biggest loss?) and some that we were able to laugh at (What is the most outrageous thing someone has told you during your infertility/adoption process?). Somehow, the two teams of boys and girls tied...pretty sure the wives should have taken it though!

Next we talked about the baby's perspective, and how it is important to have a smooth transition from pregnancy to adoption, the research and facts around bonding as a newborn, and what the adoptive child needs from us from infancy. We watched a really good film on this called Gentle Transitions: A Newborn Baby's Point of View about Adoption. Very eye opening.

The last part of the day was centered on helping us understand what Buckner does for the birthparents. One of the reasons we chose our agency, was because of the resources available to all parties involved in the adoption process. They provide in-depth counseling and education for birthparents so that they can make an informed and confident decision about the future of their child; whether that is to raise them or place them for adoption. It was a lot of information to take in, and a long time to sit in one place, but we enjoyed getting to hear more about process and are looking forward to tomorrows discussion.

Invitation...

So we still have not received the email with our assigned social worker, but we did get an invitation in the mail today for the 2 day seminar that we have to attend as part of our requirement for acceptance. We had thought that we would not get this invitation until after our home study, but apparently, completion of our interviews prior to is not imperative. The seminar will be July 30th and 31st. It is during this time that we will participate in discussions with the Agency Director and a social worker, and group exercises with other prospective adoptive couples, as well as have the opportunity to ask questions to a panel of birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children who are all connected through Buckner. We are really excited about having a tangible date to look forward to, as it has been driving us nearly mad waiting for a response from the agency on our application!

Application has been received...

We got the email that our application is received and that a social worker is being assigned to us. We should get an email sometime soon to set up office interviews and our home study. I think I've checked my mailbox at least a hundred times in the last week!

Welcome to my blog!

So after swearing that I would never have the time or desire to keep a blog...here I am. By now, if we hadn't told you already, you've probably figured out that we're adopting!

My intention for this site is to provide a way for friends and family to keep up with us during our process, to keep me occupied while we're waiting, and to have some real, "in-the-moment" commentary that I can look back on.

So here are a few FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS that we've already answered a couple hundred times (I'm not tired yet!)....

Domestic or International?

Domestic-most likely from Texas

Private or Agency?

After looking at many, many agencies(and their many different policies, fees, and procedures) and talking to friends, acquaintances, praying and stressing, we are happy to be using Buckner Adoption & Maternity services here in Dallas

Gender, Race?

again, after a lot of prayer we have chosen not to specify either of these. We felt like gender wasn't a big deal at all, and after all, if we were having the baby...we wouldn't get to pick! When deciding on what race and ethnicity we were open to, it was a little more complicated. However, we decided that every child deserves a loving home, and we knew that our families could provide that and more. We really feel like our hearts are open to whomever God brings to us.

Age of child?

newborn-most of the children that Buckner places in their Domestic Infant adoption program are matched before birth and the adoptive parents take the baby home from the hospital

Open or closed?

one of the reasons we chose our agency was because of their belief in open adoptions. This was especially important to me, and Jordan has since come fully on board. Jim Gritter, In The Spirit of Open Adoption defines "True Open Adoption" as:


1. Birth family selects the adoptive family

2. The families meet each other face to face

3. They exchange full identifying information

4. They establish a significant ongoing relationship


To a lot of people, open adoption is a scary thing. Most of what we hear in the media are the rare horror stories. Often, a lack of knowledge leads to assuming the worst. The more research I did on the topic, the less anxious I was, and the more positive feedback I found. Our agency has been doing adoptions longer than any agency in Texas, and have seen the effects of open and closed adoptions...and feel so strongly about it, they only offer open. I could go on and on about this one, but maybe I'll save that for another post!


and the big one....


HOW LONG?

our agency has a 6-12 mth average wait after all paperwork, interviews, and home studies are complete.

So hopefully this answers a few of your basic questions. We are an open book so we'd love answer anymore that you might have.


More than anything, we are so excited about this new chapter of our lives. We know that this experience will be unique, and we can't wait to see what tomorrow looks like. (Don't worry...we're not naming the baby Tomorrow)