New Year, New Updates

I'm a slacker...I know. Really I would like to say that we have been so busy LIVING life that I just haven't had a chance to document it! Our Christmas and New Years was a whirlwind with this crazy two year old. He is more active than ever (didn't think that would be possible a year ago) and we are on the go even when we're not going anywhere! Last week he spent four days and nights with Mimi & Papa while I helped out with sample sale at my old job/still part time job. It was a nice break for Jordan and I and we got to spend some quality time together and with some of our good friends. He LOVES Mimi & Papa and always has fun at their house, but I think he was ready to see us after that long. I got a big hug instead of tears upon his return and that made me feel good.

We finally had our home study two weeks ago. Lots of questions and boy am I glad it is over. Kind of feels like interrogation sometimes and I feel like our agency knows every detail of our family, marriage, past, and future! We found out we still have to have the fire marshal and health department inspect our home before approval...seriously?! So we are hoping to be really done in a couple of weeks.

Big Rylin update to come. He's growing way too fast!

Hurry Up & Wait

A quick update on the status of our Foster Care training...

We had hoped to be finished with our home study by the end of December, but it seems that we will be waiting a bit longer. After delaying our first home visit because of scheduling, our assigned social worker was supposed to come by last Wednesday. I was so on top of things. House cleaned, safety checklist complete, and showered a ready for her arrival. Then about ten minutes before, she called to cancel! AHHHHHH! After the initial disappointment, we realized this is probably just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to inconveniences associated with "the system". We decided to enjoy our clean home and take a deep breath. So we've rescheduled for early January and trust this timing change is all part of the plan. A plan that we haven't had any control over from the beginning!

Whew!

We are spent, but the home study is OVER! Duke was a complete angel. No jumping, burping, or farting the whole three hours! And Jordan wasn't too bad either. We began preparing for today early in the week with cleaning and fixing...and when I say we, I mean Jordan. He has been so helpful, and knowing the stress I was under (as we have quite a busy weekend), he took the initiative to clean most of the house, fix a few odds and ends, and wash the clothes. I had a baby shower to attend this morning, and when I returned everything was sparkling! Our social worker came over around 1:00 and we showed her around the house pointing out where smoke detectors, cleaning supplies, and medicine were kept. She looked in every room and closet and even the garage, seemed satisfied, so we began the final part of my interview. Meanwhile, Jordan worked on his brisket that he was smoking (in the rain) for tomorrows Cowboys game and our church small group get together (so he's pretty much super husband). He joined me after a little while, and our social worker asked us questions about how we planned to raise our child ranging from education to discipline. We also talked about different situations with birth families (how often we planned to see them, what if they were a different religion, physical and emotional issues, etc.) and how we felt we would relate to them. We discussed with her what we had learned from our required reading and from meeting with the couple who had adopted from Greenville. She told us that she really liked our profile, and that we should get more feedback soon from the agency on whether anything had to be tweaked or changed. She mentioned that it would take her a week or two to complete our home study recommendation to give to the agency, but that she only had good things to tell them. She also said that the director had encouraged her to quickly complete our home study as she already had a few birthmothers she wanted to show our profile! Now starts more waiting.

How could I be anything but angelic?

Come study our home...

We found out today that our paperwork was received and our final home visit is scheduled for September 12th. This is when our assigned social worker will do a home safety and fire inspection and conduct a follow up interview with the both of us at our house. This is also when she will meet Duke. (we are currently working on his manners, though I fear it may be too late) We still need to do some "baby proofing" in the form of outlet covers and cleaning up the fireplace(since we really don't use it and don't have a screen). We also have to be prepared for a mock fire drill. Jordan wanted to really ham this part up, but I have convinced him otherwise.

We are exhausted, and frankly ready to get all this technical stuff over with, but just when we think we've finished all the paperwork we can stand...we started filling out more. Many of you have been surprised and asked us how and why are we paying for this whole thing.

Let me start with the WHY...
If you do any research on adoption, you will find that the price to adopt varies greatly between domestic and international, private and agency, and even agency to agency. This was something that puzzled us until we dug a little deeper. We knew early on that we wanted to adopt domestically (mostly because raising a child from birth and on was something we really desired for our first child, and because openness was important to us). Then we considered private vs. agency. If you know Jordan and I, we tend to go along with the theory, "you get what you pay for" and found that there was a lot of personal leg work that went into private adoption, there were more risks, and I'll be honest, we knew very little about this whole adoption world and really felt like we needed a guide. But when we looked at different agencies, we learned there were big differences in cost there as well. So we set off to decipher what all this money was going to. We attended a very informative "Affording Adoption" meeting through a local church and quickly found out that the money in adoption was divvied out between processing fees, attorney fees, social worker fees, counseling, and birth family related fees. The later two being what made the price differ. We were encouraged at this meeting to find an agency that didn't offer any maternity care for birthmothers, as this was thought to be something that was "not our responsibility". I left a little jaded(to say the least), and was relieved to find out my husband felt the same. Now let me mention that none of these advisers had open adoptions, and I am sure that their advice was well intentioned. However, it opened our eyes to the disparity of our society, the preconceived ideas and stereotypes about birth families, and the lack of us as Christians to reach out and show love to those in situations unlike our own. We had a strong desire to not only make our family complete, but to help mend a family that was breaking. We chose our agency because of the extensive care and respect they give to birth families and the education they provide to empower all families involved in adoption. This is not something that just happens...it takes resources.

So for the HOW...
As you probably guessed, we don't have $25,000 laying around. We are lucky that Jordan's work has a $5,000 adoption reimbursement program and that there is a BIG federal tax credit now available; however, these don't cover the entire amount and we still have to have the money up front at placement. We have prayed hard about this, and we do trust that God will provide. We are now working on applying for a interest free loan through the ABBA fund to help pay for some of the costs until we get our reimbursements. We also know that some of you would like to be a part of this whole endeavor with us. We have already had some VERY generous family and friends pitch in, and for that we are beyond grateful. Each contribution has come at a time when we were really discouraged and overwhelmed, and I feel like they have been God's way of telling us to trust this plan that is so beyond us. Pride is so hard to swallow, but we are hoping that by being open about our situation, we will give you the opportunity to share in our blessing.

Finishing up

So we've just about finished up our paper work. I officially completed the Profile last night, and Jordan finished writing his essays on the three books we had to read. I am almost done with the last book and essay myself, and I am so relieved! We also finished a few other forms that have to be turned in before the home study. One form notes what illnesses, genetic histories, and pre-natal situations we are open to. We made an appointment with my Dr. last week and were able to get his medical explanation of a lot of these things. Some looked pretty scary on paper, but were not a big deal. Others really were scary. There is so much to consider and really think about that you might never have to face having a biological child. I am trying to look at it in a positive way, and know that it is making me more aware of things outside my happy little bubble. I also know that it is all part of HIS plan, and we are depending a lot on faith.

We also got the privilege this weekend of sitting down to talk with a really sweet couple that Jordan's parents knew from Greenville about their experience with open adoption. They were nice enough to share with us what it was like to adopt and raise 2 boys from infancy (one biracial) after having three biological children. Their stories were pretty amazing, and they were honest with us about the struggles and joys they had along the way. We really took a lot from what they had to say, and at the end, we were able to meet the two boys too!

Invitation...

So we still have not received the email with our assigned social worker, but we did get an invitation in the mail today for the 2 day seminar that we have to attend as part of our requirement for acceptance. We had thought that we would not get this invitation until after our home study, but apparently, completion of our interviews prior to is not imperative. The seminar will be July 30th and 31st. It is during this time that we will participate in discussions with the Agency Director and a social worker, and group exercises with other prospective adoptive couples, as well as have the opportunity to ask questions to a panel of birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children who are all connected through Buckner. We are really excited about having a tangible date to look forward to, as it has been driving us nearly mad waiting for a response from the agency on our application!

Application has been received...

We got the email that our application is received and that a social worker is being assigned to us. We should get an email sometime soon to set up office interviews and our home study. I think I've checked my mailbox at least a hundred times in the last week!