Hello and Goodbye

I've been trying to write this post for a while now but there is really no easy place to start.  It has been a crazy week and a half for sure!  First, the good news (which most of you already know)...Miles Joseph is here!  Yes, that's Miles, as in a little boy!  Even though everyone was convinced I was having a girl, God had other plans.  I went into labor Wednesday night around 6pm and he was born at 2:43am Thursday, June 20th.  Healthy and squealing, all 7lbs 10oz and 20inches.  He deserves his own post that I will send out soon.  I know lots of you want to know how my natural childbirth experience paned out and I promise to be honest!

Soon our overwhelming joy was met with overwhelming sadness when just a day later we found out that our little Mr.D was being placed with a relative the same day.  Amidst all my sobbing, I packed up his belongings and sent Jordan out the door with him seemingly for the last time I would ever see him.  Even though we knew that a placement was probable, I can't begin to explain what it feels like to actually let go of someone you loved for over a year as your own child.  A piece of my heart surely left with him.  Still, I found a lot of grace in God's timing as I spent the days following loving on my new precious gift.  I prayed a lot (and still do) for D's well being and transition and whenever I am feeling especially sad that I can't hug or kiss him and know that he is OK, I picture doing just that and ask that God pass it along to him in the place I can't be.

His birth mother had given me her phone number a couple of weeks ago in case I wanted to check in.  I wasn't sure how much contact she would have with him or if she would even respond, but after a week, I sent her a text to let her know we missed him and that I had a few more things for him that I had found around the house.  A couple hours later she called me back and left a message.  I was relieved to hear that he was doing good and that she was still getting weekly visits with him through CPS.  She agreed that we could come to the next visit to see him and get to know his new guardian.  In a twist of perspective, we find ourselves on the opposite side of  something comparable to open adoption.  I was immediately struck by how much better I felt just having a report of how he was doing and knowing that I would be able to see him again.  The same a birth mother must feel when she places her child with adoptive parents and waits hopefully for them to fulfill their end of the open adoption agreement.  She has no legal rights and a verbal word is what she clings to.  Heart wrenching anticipation.  Now I understand. 

This whole event makes me so grateful for open adoption and even more sold on it's benefits for everyone involved.  If there is no contact after a placement, it's easy to see how the imagination can take over.  In the week after D's removal I imagined all sorts of awful scenarios.  In reality, I was way off.  Contact gave me reassurance of his well being and the truth regarding his transition.  Even though he is young, I feel like if he sees us again (even just once or twice), it won't be so much like we abandoned him (which is the thought that weighs most heavy on my mind).  I already know as the adoptive parent that contact gives you a sense of permission to parent; seeing that the birth parent is depending on you to do so and acknowledging you in that role.  I hope that we can provide that kind of support to his now caregiver.

I miss our little man like crazy but I know that the big picture is much larger than I can understand and I'm thankful I have a God who I can trust with the details even when they are more than hard to swallow.  I have thought a lot about a verse in Job the last week, and it has encouraged me through some rough moments when I've caught myself turning inward in self pity and doubt. 

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

Wedding Weekend in Wimberley

This last weekend we got to spend a lovely time in Wimberley at Tess's sister's wedding.  These days I am feeling about the size of a house and walking in a full out waddle.  Gone are the days of the cute little bump and fleeting are the memories of breathing normally.  Oh well.  I'll take it for another month.  Still, as we prepared for a little family trip to the hill country, I was wondering if I'd be able to make it.  Luckily our midwife gave the green light at Thursday's appointment and so we picked up Rylin, who had been at my parents since Tuesday, dropped off Mr. D, and hit the road on Friday.  We stopped in Austin and had lunch with Tess and then took her the rest of the way to Wimberley.  Although it's a sweet little town with plenty of things I love, it's not exactly the most kid friendly vacation spot.  We ended up spending most of our free time at the Blanco river.  Most of the local swimming holes don't open until after Memorial Day, but we knew about one place we could have access to the river for fairly cheap, and thank goodness!  Rylin loved swimming in the river and even though it was just warm enough to be enjoyable, there still weren't many other people crowding the area.  On Saturday afternoon we headed to the outdoor wedding set on a hill under an abundance of shade trees and a nice breeze.  Every detail was perfect for the setting and very fitting of Oren and Jordan.  It was great seeing some of Tess's family again after a long time and meeting new people too.  We laughed later at how many times we had to answer "so how do you know Oren & Jordan?" and our surprising answer of "we adopted Oren's nephew".  Most people had heard about us in one way or another but still we had some great conversations about open adoption.  So very cool.  We really experienced one of the great aspects of our relationship this weekend and though Rylin is still a little young to understand, he LOVED getting to see Tess (who he'll now tell you is whose tummy he grew in) and was the life of the party at the reception.  We felt so grateful they let us share in their special day.

Birthday Party

The party's over! Perhaps I will have my life back now:) Seriously, though, we had a good time celebrating Rylin's 2nd birthday. Since our little grill master has been so into cooking lately, we ran with the cookout theme. We had some great weather and even better friends join us...

Everyone took their turn for a photo op

Rylin was enthused over his first present from Gramps and Grammie!

Homemade aprons were the party favors

Though the cake was the more difficult to execute, the hamburger cupcakes were the big hit!

Rylin was in awe of the sparkler "2"

Tess & Rylin

Rylin got all kinds of fun presents and enjoyed playing with friends and family. We all had a great nights sleep after a long day!

Happy Mother's Day

It's been a while since I posted about the other special mother in our lives. I wouldn't be a mother on Mother's day if it weren't for her! I'm talking about Rylin's birth mother, Tess of course! We are so happy that we have her around. We talk via text almost weekly and see her a couple times a month. She has even kept Rylin at our house several times (cloth diapers and all) so that Jordan and I could have a date night! Rylin is getting to the age where he recognizes people and it's been fun to see how he is learning who she is and even able to say something resembling her name. I think I mentioned before about the book I made for him on Shutterfly with the story of his family. He now brings it to me to read to him, so he can point out all the "characters" in the pictures I included. I pray every day that his adoption experience is one he will always see as filled with love. We are so grateful that our open adoption has been such a wonderful experience. Tess has been so supportive of us as Rylin's parents and I can't tell you how encouraging that is. I know that she cherishes getting to see him and watch him grow. We have great conversations when we get together and I love that we can be honest with one another about challenges or questions that come up regarding our unique family. We may live quite different lives, but what we have in common has grown us to be great friends. I am still overwhelmed daily to think about the magnitude of what she gave us...when this sweet boy wraps his arms around my neck and holds on tight, puckers his lips for a kiss, or looks up at me and says "mama" plain and clear. It's so hard to put into words. Sometimes I think my heart might explode! It makes me want to be a great mother, and I know she has entrusted me to be just that. So I'm happy to share this day with her because she deserves to be honored too. We love you Tess! Happy Mother's Day!

1 Year Birthday Party

I love planning a good party, so it should be no surprise that I started getting the creative juices flowing for Rylin's 1 year celebration almost six months ago. I know that I only have a few years before he has an opinion of his own about such things so I was really excited to put together something that I thought was cool...and that he could care less about! I decided that being close to Halloween, a Creepy Crawly birthday would be the perfect little boy theme.

Though my plans were perfect for a nice patio party, the weather had other plans. An hour before show time the sky opened up and unleashed a nice dousing of rain. I almost had a meltdown myself, but held it together and pushed on. I did manage to get a picture of the entry before the thunderstorm, so that's all that matters right?!

Each guest stamped their finger print and turned it into their own creepy crawly for Rylin's scrapbook. I think it will be a great way to remember everyone who came.

The end result

The birthday boy

My mother was my saving grace this week, as she came up Monday to help me get things ready (which translates into: she babysat!).

I had a fun time planning our snacks which included; ants on a log (peanut butter and raisins on celery), frog eyes (grapes), lizard tongues (fruit roll ups), insect shaped pasta salad, dirt cake (in a bucket with trowel), and creepy crawly shaped sandwiches.

I made a photo collage wall of Rylin's monthly pictures and photos I took with my phone spanning the length of his first twelve months.

My mom also worked hard on our table decorations that included all kinds of plastic insects in jars.

Jordan named the cake Murphy. He was quite the challenge for me to construct. Fondant is not for the faint of heart. I nearly pulled my hair out, but the end result was worth it. I'm pretty sure the guests will be seeing blue for a week, if you know what I mean:)

Rylin enjoyed his own little cake that he tested slowly at first.

It wasn't long before the sugar took effect!

Rylin had lots of his friends join him on this special day. Here are just a few.

James and Henry

Adelay

Luke and Mitchell showing off their bug keeper arm bands

Rylin and Mimi

Daddy, Rylin, & Gramps

Valerie and Bonnie

Emily enjoying Murphy!

Tess and her friends Leah and Ashley

After cake, Rylin opened lots of fun presents. He was more interested in eating the tissue paper, but I know he was appreciative just the same!

After all the guests left and Rylin had a good nap, he began to discover that he had a lot of new toys. He played for over an hour in one spot. Every direction he turned, there was something else exciting. Jordan and I couldn't believe how grown up he seemed.

Daddy showing him his fort from MiMi & Papa

Playing with the barn from Tess

Sitting in his basket of sliceable wooden food from the McFarlands

We had a lot of fun celebrating one year! Can't believe our little man is growing up so fast!