If you're still reading my blog you probably know where we came from. Long ago (OK it was like four years ago) I posted briefly about infertility. It was really a post bragging on my husband, but it told the short version of wanting kids, being disappointed in my physical failings, and finding a love for adoption that God planted in my heart. I really wouldn't trade how God has shaped our family thus far for anything. His infinite wisdom is so much greater than my own tiny plans. How much I would have missed if He had let me do things my own way.
In this month of Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. These two sweet little boys and one big boy are only a smidgen of it! My heart has been full of gratefulness for a while now regarding my family. Both immediate and extended sometimes drive me batty but show me more about love, selflessness, and encouragement than most are afforded the privilege. Jordan and I have both been blessed with parents who have supported us beyond our expectations, brothers and sisters (and in laws) that care about all the details of our life, and grandparents who set examples of hard work, love, and godliness. Our family couldn't possibly be any richer.
So last month when I haphazardly took a pregnancy test to ease my curiosity, I don't think I had fully prepared myself to see two lines staring back at me. I've taken a lot of pregnancy tests. None of them were positive so I had kind of just resigned that it was impossible. In the back of my mind, though, it was always there. A tiny little seed of desire still wanting to experience pregnancy, birth, a genetic tie, a baby that looks like me, and a commonality with all my other girlfriends. So I cried. Well that's to put it mildly. I suppose it was good that Jordan wasn't home to experience my toilet bowl break down. He got there soon enough though, and after the initial shock wore off, he smiled and smiled and smiled. I think he's still smiling. Over the last few weeks I have covered the gamete of emotions. Fear, excitement, hope, caution. Infertility changes a person and it's interesting how a lot of the insecurities I dealt with then have resurfaced now. Still, I have resolved to not let past struggles steal my current joy. So this Thanksgiving, the month before and the days after, I am thankful for this sweet surprise and miraculous blessing. God's timing is perfection and this patchwork quilt of a family is more wonderful than any I could have dreamed up myself!