Some days I feel like our season of fostering is over. Like we will be growing our family biologically from here on out, but I know in reality that isn't promised. There is a sense of freedom thinking about the absence of social workers, home inspections, weekly visits of shared parenting, hours of yearly training, and a predetermined medical care plan that I don't exactly agree with. Still, it's days like today that I'm reminded of why we signed up to be foster parents in the first place. How God put something so foreign and unappealing on our hearts a few years ago. How our infertility played a logical role in our decision but not a defining one.
This morning I answered the phone to a sweet little voice telling me "hello", his name and then "goodbye". My heart skipped a beat! Rylin and Jordan greeted Mr. D too on speaker phone and shared in my joy. We have been so extremely blessed to stay in contact with Mr.D's new guardian and even allowed to a precious visit about a month ago where we played and loved on him for two hours! Though I know he's now bonded to her and thriving in his new home, I can't help but believe he still holds some kind of warm memory of us...his parents and sibling for over a year. It's that belief that reminds me of the "why". As much as it is a inconvenience, as much as it hurts, foster care has been put before us specifically by no mistake. God has shown me blessings amidst the struggles that have confirmed His will with it's placement in our lives. I don't know what our future looks like and in what sense our family will be tied to this cause, but I do know that it's not one we will walk away from lightly simply because as they would say in biblical times...God opened my womb!
As much as I miss our little guy, still shed tears over his absence, I feel happy too. Not only because I know he's being cared for, but because we have been obedient. There is a peace in knowing we have acted on the tugging on our hearts. There have been plenty of times when I haven't and felt quite the opposite.
So if through our prayers we are to continue, so be it. This life surely hasn't turned out the way I thought it would, but my imagination is pretty limited so I'm grateful!